Daily Urinal Articles
Shocked by BioShock
09/09/07 19:35
Shocked By BioShock
Not to be confused with my recent review of ShowerShock, BioShock is in fact a recently released game for the Xbox 360 and Windoze. Which isn't to say that the game doesn't share a great deal in common with caffeinated soap, but rather that the game was never in fact meant to be used in conjunction with water nor meant to keep one clean. It will, however, keep you up at night and on rare occasions induce wild shivering that only caffeine can cure, much like the soap. The soap aside, the game takes place in the delightfully war-torn, underwater, art deco-style city of Rapture. The player is marooned there via plane crash, and forced to try and survive amidst of an ongoing civil war. A variety of options (some of which are comically sinister, if not perverse) are left open to the player, including the use of fantastic genetically-based weapons called "plasmids". My favorite plasmid riddles the player's forearm with holes from which hornets emerge, becoming the player's own personal hive to command. The lighting in the game is fantastic, the design flawless, the game play heart-pounding and the story compelling. My only negative opinion of the game is that its hectic pace doesn't give you much time to stop and enjoy the deep and detailed environment. BioShock represents perhaps the most compelling FPSRPG yet released this year, and among one of the freakiest things I've ever seen, played, or even heard of.
Not to be confused with my recent review of ShowerShock, BioShock is in fact a recently released game for the Xbox 360 and Windoze. Which isn't to say that the game doesn't share a great deal in common with caffeinated soap, but rather that the game was never in fact meant to be used in conjunction with water nor meant to keep one clean. It will, however, keep you up at night and on rare occasions induce wild shivering that only caffeine can cure, much like the soap. The soap aside, the game takes place in the delightfully war-torn, underwater, art deco-style city of Rapture. The player is marooned there via plane crash, and forced to try and survive amidst of an ongoing civil war. A variety of options (some of which are comically sinister, if not perverse) are left open to the player, including the use of fantastic genetically-based weapons called "plasmids". My favorite plasmid riddles the player's forearm with holes from which hornets emerge, becoming the player's own personal hive to command. The lighting in the game is fantastic, the design flawless, the game play heart-pounding and the story compelling. My only negative opinion of the game is that its hectic pace doesn't give you much time to stop and enjoy the deep and detailed environment. BioShock represents perhaps the most compelling FPSRPG yet released this year, and among one of the freakiest things I've ever seen, played, or even heard of.
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iPhone Review (Part the First)
09/09/07 12:35
iPhone Review (Part the First)
The iPhone's chief flaw is that as soon as you take it out, everyone demands that you let them "see" the device. Resistance is futile; your pleas of, "I need to check my email," or "I need to call an ambulance," go unheard. They never settle for just taking in the iPhone's seductive curves visually; eventually, all admit they must in fact hold it. As soon as you relinquish the precious thing to their care, they will proceed to defile it. They will touch it with their grubby little hands, scroll through your contacts list, even take pictures, thus slowly consuming your iPhone's precious memory! Getting the thing back is another struggle: invariably others have gathered, and each now expects to "see" it as well. Violence inevitably ensues.
Using the "Passcode Lock" feature may help, but it may just as easily enrage those wanting to fiddle with the thing. It may be best to never let it be known you have an iPhone, lest it disappear into the curious and envious mob forever. Even the faculty is guilty of such jealousy: If one appears in class, or plays one of it's cheerful little ring tones, it is sure to be stolen away, kept no longer than the very end of class!
The iPhone's chief flaw is that as soon as you take it out, everyone demands that you let them "see" the device. Resistance is futile; your pleas of, "I need to check my email," or "I need to call an ambulance," go unheard. They never settle for just taking in the iPhone's seductive curves visually; eventually, all admit they must in fact hold it. As soon as you relinquish the precious thing to their care, they will proceed to defile it. They will touch it with their grubby little hands, scroll through your contacts list, even take pictures, thus slowly consuming your iPhone's precious memory! Getting the thing back is another struggle: invariably others have gathered, and each now expects to "see" it as well. Violence inevitably ensues.
Using the "Passcode Lock" feature may help, but it may just as easily enrage those wanting to fiddle with the thing. It may be best to never let it be known you have an iPhone, lest it disappear into the curious and envious mob forever. Even the faculty is guilty of such jealousy: If one appears in class, or plays one of it's cheerful little ring tones, it is sure to be stolen away, kept no longer than the very end of class!
Shower Shock Review
09/09/07 12:31
In an attempt to make it seem as if this site is not
completely dead, I've decided to post all my DU
(Daily Urinal; an unauthorized school publication at
The Bishop's School La Jolla CA) articles here... so
here goes with the first two, gonna have to write
another tonight anyway.
Shower Shock Review
C8H10N4O2 is God's gift to man, Caffeine. Every student at this fine institution knows the allure of this common, but powerful magic. In fact it may be said that all warm blooded Americans have this sweet nectar of the gods coursing through their veins right this moment. (save perhaps the Amish, bless their souls.)
In my experience, the question has always been, "how can I get more?" but recently I've found a way to not only pour this divine chemical directly into my bloodstream, but also smell like candy afterwards! I speak, of coarse, of the mighty Shower Shock soap. Delivering an estimated 200mg of caffeine through the user's very skin, the product has become my soap of choice, making a veritable shower-junkie out of me.
Do I have trouble pulling myself out of bed? Not since I switched to shower shock! Now wake up shivering, anxiously anticipating the tingling sensation, and peppermint scent of my coming shower. Sometimes I don't even wait for the alarm anymore!
And falling asleep in the shower? That would be hard considering I'm consuming nearly 2 cups worth of coffee in caffeine. Of course, stopping becomes the real problem, the temptation to stay and continue feverishly applying the soap being almost too hard to pry yourself from. Probable addiction aside, this is something all students should add to their routine.
(Shower Shock is available at thinkgeek.com)
Shower Shock Review
C8H10N4O2 is God's gift to man, Caffeine. Every student at this fine institution knows the allure of this common, but powerful magic. In fact it may be said that all warm blooded Americans have this sweet nectar of the gods coursing through their veins right this moment. (save perhaps the Amish, bless their souls.)
In my experience, the question has always been, "how can I get more?" but recently I've found a way to not only pour this divine chemical directly into my bloodstream, but also smell like candy afterwards! I speak, of coarse, of the mighty Shower Shock soap. Delivering an estimated 200mg of caffeine through the user's very skin, the product has become my soap of choice, making a veritable shower-junkie out of me.
Do I have trouble pulling myself out of bed? Not since I switched to shower shock! Now wake up shivering, anxiously anticipating the tingling sensation, and peppermint scent of my coming shower. Sometimes I don't even wait for the alarm anymore!
And falling asleep in the shower? That would be hard considering I'm consuming nearly 2 cups worth of coffee in caffeine. Of course, stopping becomes the real problem, the temptation to stay and continue feverishly applying the soap being almost too hard to pry yourself from. Probable addiction aside, this is something all students should add to their routine.
(Shower Shock is available at thinkgeek.com)