In an attempt to make it seem as if this site is not completely dead, I've decided to post all my DU (Daily Urinal; an unauthorized school publication at The Bishop's School La Jolla CA) articles here... so here goes with the first two, gonna have to write another tonight anyway.

Shower Shock Review

C8H10N4O2 is God's gift to man, Caffeine. Every student at this fine institution knows the allure of this common, but powerful magic. In fact it may be said that all warm blooded Americans have this sweet nectar of the gods coursing through their veins right this moment. (save perhaps the Amish, bless their souls.)
In my experience, the question has always been, "how can I get more?" but recently I've found a way to not only pour this divine chemical directly into my bloodstream, but also smell like candy afterwards! I speak, of coarse, of the mighty Shower Shock soap. Delivering an estimated 200mg of caffeine through the user's very skin, the product has become my soap of choice, making a veritable shower-junkie out of me.
Do I have trouble pulling myself out of bed? Not since I switched to shower shock! Now wake up shivering, anxiously anticipating the tingling sensation, and peppermint scent of my coming shower. Sometimes I don't even wait for the alarm anymore!
And falling asleep in the shower? That would be hard considering I'm consuming nearly 2 cups worth of coffee in caffeine. Of course, stopping becomes the real problem, the temptation to stay and continue feverishly applying the soap being almost too hard to pry yourself from. Probable addiction aside, this is something all students should add to their routine.

(Shower Shock is available at thinkgeek.com)